Blue with Skyline :)

Hari ini gue cengeng banget, padahal masa PMS udah berlalu. Nggak tahu berapa kali gue memutar lagu Skyline yang 'Love Lesson No.1.'

Bahkan, gue nulis blog ini, sambil puter lagu itu untuk kesekian kalinya.

Hati gue rasanya sakit banget hari ini. Tiba-tiba hancur. Tiba-tiba mudah sakit dengan semua orang di sekitar gue hari ini. Kayak banyak emosi sedih ngumpul jadi satu di kepala, di hati..

Gue berusaha tidur dua kali sepanjang siang dan sore. Tapi itu pun sia-sia... Nggak ada yang tidur di dalam diri gue.

Hal yang berhasil mengalihkan rasa sedih gue cuma belajar bahasa Jepang di Duolingo sampai jatah nyawanya abis. Sesakit itu sampai gue nggak bisa apa-apa selain ngalihin perasaan.

Bahkan, sharing meme di Instagram, yang mana selalu gue lakukan setiap gue sedih untuk ngehibur diri, nggak sanggup gue lakukan.

Gue cuma posting lagunya Superman Is Dead yang menguatkan gue.

Begitu beratnya jadi Joker. Punya dua muka yang berseberangan. Punya penyampaian emosi yang berseberangan.

Si makin kenceng ketawa, makin sedih hatinya.

Gue sapa manusia di sekitar gue tanpa dirasa-rasa. Padahal dalem hati emang today lagi ambruk.

Lagi pula, siapa yang suruh nggak bisa nangis? Siapa yang suruh nggak bisa cerita?

Nggak ada.

Entah, ini lagu Skyline yang 'Love Lesson No.1.' yang ke berapa selama gue nulis diary ini...

Jam 10 pagi, temen sekantor gue tiba-tiba chat. She doesn't even know that i'm devastated. I'm ugly crying when she texted me, "Semoga kamu dalam keadaan baik dan bahagia."

That's how God lend me His hand from this yasashi girl.

Jari gue mandeg cuma buat sekadar curhat ke Babab. But i knew, she knews something is wrong with me. I love her for my last breath of my life.

Well Dugong, remember this.

You're walk in adult life now.

I know, it's so much painful just to think about.

U sometimes feel so deeply lonely.

U will crying sometimes for something that might hurt u about yesterday, last week, a year ago, 7 years ago, or so.

U will find yourself trying your best to be a strong one. Eventhou u are always says to people around you that never ever to feel being alone.

U may needs to put your mask on to pretending that everything is fine.

And that is okay.

U can't put your 100% trust to people. Them also have their own bussiness.

But, still, please be kind. Be a good one.

You will never regret that, i promise.

U need to believe that day by day, u deserve to be happy and happier.

You are the first child. They are watching you.

Don't be cry. Wipe your tears. U don't need that now.

Don't be weak.

Entah, ini lagu Skyline yang 'Love Lesson No.1.' yang ke berapa selama gue nulis diary ini...

Gue berencana minum americano abis ini sebelum persiapan nge-gym. Semoga akan membaik.